This is the first post of my new pandemic life series. Despite everyone wanting “things to be back to normal” and seeing the world as post covid, we are still in the middle of a global pandemic – 3.5 million deaths, 168.9 million cases, yesterday across the world nearly 13,000 people lost their lives due to coronavirus (source: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-51235105).

Melbourne is having another outbreak – at the time of writing we are in another seven day lockdown. A man became infected in hotel quarantine in another state and then as is the case with this virus infected a whole bunch of other people who then did the same. There’s about 15,000 people in isolation and about a gazillion exposure sites. It’s grim.

My workplace has just been announced as a tier one exposure site. So far a whole bunch of my colleagues are potentially exposed and need to isolate, and that’s not counting the students, academics or people grabbing coffee that might also have been there. It must be so stressful waiting for test results, and I’m worried for them.

Let’s face it the systems are not up to scratch and that’s why we are back here. Hotel quarantine has seen multiple breaches and is really just not suitable for this sort of airborne infection. Quarantine is a federal government responsibility but they aren’t really good at taking responsibility, so 18 months into this pandemic, there still isn’t purpose built facilities.

On top of this, the federal government’s vaccine rollout has been a bloody mess (to be nice about it). There’s been no campaign to encourage people to get vaccinated, many front-line workers, nursing and disability care home residents have not even received their first dose. The government has claimed that everyone who wants a vaccine will have their first dose by October but at the current rate it will be 17 more months before we are all fully vaccinated.

The Prime Minister has repeatedly said that it wasn’t a race and so with no community transmission no one eligible saw the urgency in getting vaccinated. The Victorian state government, growing weary of the federal government incompetence, has opened up the vaccination in state run facilities for everyone over 40. Chaos has ensued. It’s amazing how the prospect of another endless lockdown means that suddenly everyone wants to get vaccinated.

Walk in clinics are reporting up to 4 hour wait times and there’s only a hotline to book, which is weird given it’s 2021 (why isn’t there an online form?) but also has meant phone lines have been jammed. I probably spent at least 5 hours trying to call and waited for about 40 minutes before I got to speak to someone.  But yay I’m booked for Sunday.

There’s a certain feeling you have in the pit of your stomach when you know they are going to announce a lockdown – it’s anxiety and then resignation and just wanting to hear how long and how severe it will be. We were having a team meeting at the same time as the presser, and so we listened together, a deeply uncomfortable experience when I was already emotional from news reports earlier in the day.

I pulled myself together after a few hours, and while concerned for colleagues, I’m even finding things to enjoy in this lockdown. I had marmalade toast for breakfast this morning and it made me way happier than you can possibly imagine. I’ve also been chatting to friends, reading books and planning my vaccination outfit – because why not.

But let’s not pretend that this is anything other than terrible or that we are anyway close to this being over…

 

 

 

Here we are again. Lockdown 3.0 – five days, masks everyone, four reasons to leave your home – which is fine because there’s no where to go anyway. I’m back to wondering what time Dan’s presser is, whether he’s in business casual or family hike wear, anxiously refreshing twitter to see when the DHHS daily number of infections have dropped.

If I thought this year was going to be less of a bin fire then 2021 has already proven that we are in for tough times. There was an insurrection on the US capitol and the former President has been impeached for a second time. Perth suffered massive bushfires. The number of deaths from Coronavirus is over two million, with the US death toll close to 500,000 people.

Coronavirus variants are wreaking havoc – the current lockdown is because the UK variant got out of the hotel quarantine program. This piece explains the worries with these variants and this one how much more contagious the new strain is, which is why we find ourselves in another snap lockdown. We are fortunate that we have vaccines that are effective when the virus seems to rapidly mutating.

Before Friday’s announcement, I’d been thinking that I need to make more of an effort to go out and do things. I mean I’m happy but there are worrying signs that I’ve spent way too much time alone – like writing bad poetry, so I probably need to get out of the house soon.

But the thing about this global pandemic – you have to pivot so swiftly from I had plans, too now I’m staying at home; wear a mask in all settings, you don’t need a mask now. It’s dizzying. Who wants to make plans when it’s all so uncertain? It feels like a monumental effort with the prospect of disappointment, so it’s easier to just stay home.

Of course you have to go with whatever is changing around you but processing takes a lot of energy and space. It’s been hard to find that because the rapid nature of the changes means there is always something else you need to respond to. It’s like you have 25 tabs open and someone is pinging you on messenger – so much stimulation.

In the beforetimes, activities outside my local area were something that required planning, I couldn’t just decide on the day. As a classic introvert social interactions, noise and lots of people can be exhausting – so I needed to prepare myself for that. Living an hour outside the CBD means there are practicalities of getting there and back to factor in, which adds to the emotional energy needed to go do the thing.

After a year of staying at home, I have lost my match fitness for going out – even locally. The energy needed to do things just isn’t there, so I’m being more picky than usual. It’s not that surprising; so much has changed, how you feel and what matters to you.

The upsetting thing about this new lockdown is that I was just starting to feel like things were maybe ok. Not the old normal, but the new one created by the pandemic. By normal I mean safe – that I’m not going to spend the entire time I’m outside my house stressing about if I’ve been exposed to a deadly virus. Clearly, this lockdown means that normal isn’t here yet.

Of course, I’ll get through the next five days, though I’m not going to pretend to be cheerful about it. But for all our sakes, I hope this is the last one.

In Victoria, we have had more than 20 days of double donuts and for the first time since February there are zero active cases of Covid-19. In August we had 7000+ active cases so the turn around is remarkable.

The borders are opening up, we don’t have to wear masks outside anymore (thank goodness). Christmas can go ahead, all be it with reduced numbers; Bunnings is open, you can sit in a cafe and shop for things that aren’t essential.

I saw my sister for the first time in months and I’ve been able to go to a friend’s house as part of their social bubble. The sun is shining, people are relieved and grateful for the opportunity to do something normal.

But the world is still on fire. And if for five seconds you forget it there’s a few thing to remind you.

South Australia went into lockdown for six days and then lifted it again when they found someone lied to contact tracers about his relationship to a pizza shop. Even more surprising their outbreak was caused through hotel quarantine, exactly the same as in Melbourne. I mean it’s like all the other states with their smug return to normal were not paying attention at all.

In the US they had an election and the person who lost won’t concede and keeps claiming fraud and votes being illegal. The US always painted itself as a beacon on the hill for freedom and democracy, it’s terrifying to watch its descent into chaos.

Twelve million people in the US now have Corona Virus. The death rate is one of the highest in the world. Sweden, which went for some kind of herd immunity model have had 6000 cases in a single day. In the UK they have re-imposed lockdowns, as well as all over Europe.

Australia while relatively covid-free (touch wood), everyday we seem to be governed by a more and more morally corrupt, hypocritical and partisan federal government. But hey you’ll get a few dollars in your bank account because of tax cuts – the fact the mostly help the rich is just details.

There are allegations of war crimes committed by our soldiers in Afghanistan to just make you feel sick to your stomach. The horrifying report alleges 39 murders were committed by SAS soldiers during the Afghanistan war. It’s hard to read, and even harder to understand how we ended up here.

Meanwhile, the government had to pay out 1.2 billion dollars of our money in the failed and illegal Robodebt scheme that is linked to the suicide of 2000 people. Ministers should have lost their jobs but if there is one thing this government excels in is lack of accountability.

It’s the end of the year and I’m tired. The lack of distraction means there’s been nothing else to think about other than how messed up stuff is. While this makes things larger than they would probably be normally, it’s also given me time to clarify exactly where I stand politically and a whole bunch of other stuff as well.

And that might just be about the only good thing to come out of this year.

(I’m going to keep the life interrupted series going but it might be dispersed with other new topics now… Stay tuned and thanks for reading).

Donuts… That what today is, donuts day. O new cases, O lives lost. The first time since June we have had no new active cases.

A second lockdown period started in July and after 112 days today we were told that restrictions would be lifted, shops, cafes, restaurants would re-open. If hugging was allowed right now I think we would be hugging and dancing in the streets.

I knew it would be a good day when Dan Andrews wore his North Face jacket to the presser. Indeed, I think the tears started right then, so much has it come to symbolise good news.

The people of Melbourne have sacrificed a lot to get to zero; jobs lost, relationships put on hold, isolation from friends and families. In the midst of all this we have had to put up with the partisan media making us anxious and confusing the message and the less than helpful responses from politicians. It’s felt like us against the world.

2020 has been hard in so many way and the last few months of extreme lockdown in particular. Confined to my home for 23 hours a day, it’s been confronting, endless and often dull. I’ve barely left the house in months, there’s been nothing fun to look forward too and no relief from the misery of daily numbers both locally and overseas. From my couch it seems like the world is sinking further and further into a hellhole.

I’d definitely not recommend doing a large and complex tech project when working from home during a pandemic. Social media and Dan’s pressers have been both a blessing and a curse. Isolation has become normalised to the point where it’s going to take a long time to get back into the swing of things, whatever that is now anyway.

We lost over 800 people in this second wave of the virus, all who were loved and cared for. Mental health care services have reported huge increases particularly from younger people. So many people lost jobs this year, it’s going to be hard to recover. Like most people I’ve felt anxious about the future and frustrated wondering if this lockdown would ever end.

We have had to endure RWNJs calling for us to open up for the sake of the economy rather than stay closed for the sake of lives. That was some of the worst moments for me – as though older people should be sacrificed at the altar of money and productivity.

I have all the sympathy in the world for businesses, it must be so hard not know how long we will be closed for or whether your business will survive. But locking down and staying there until we got a handle on transmission was still the better option in terms of costs as this article from Liam Mannix explains.

I’ll be forever grateful that the Premier, for all his faults, was guided by science and data when making decisions. And while there have been Covidiots and maskholery, on the whole Victorians have show themselves to be a community that cares about each other and protecting our most vulnerable.

As many countries see a massive resurgence of the virus, they are looking towards Melbourne and what we achieved to prevent its spread in their community. Ireland has just reimposed another six week lockdown based on what we did here – I pray the strategy will work for them too.

For me, the most successful part of the lockdown hasn’t been the numbers falling but the way we have taken care of each other. If you were getting down, as I did on several occasions, friends both locally and interstate reached out.

As we looked at the unnerving pictures of the deserted streets of our city, Melbournians loved her more and mourned her empty streets. We talked about her as if an old friend and made plans for what we would do when we can get back to visit her.

And while there’s still more to be done, more outbreaks that could occur -covid-normal will be the new normal for a while. I think for the moment we can all collectively exhale the breath we have been holding for months.

“Getting on the beers” is the unofficial motto of our state now. So raise your glasses and let’s propose a toast to our city and our state, for our outstanding commitment to each other and endurance during these difficult months.

Cheers.

About two blog posts ago, I was going to stop writing this series on the pandemic – we were going back to normal and there’s only so much you can write about your cats or the existential dilemma brought on by the pandemic. And then the second wave hit.

Lockdown stage 4, has been extended by two weeks. There’s a furore because the Victorian Government is ruining the economy for everyone. When Melbourne went into lockdown again our PM said we are all Melbournians now, which lasted all of two minutes until he realised there was no political mileage to be got with unity.

Someone on twitter asked whether you felt Australian or Victorian. I definitely align more with my state than country, which is probably heightened because of the pandemic and watching Daniel Andrews front up every single day, doing his absolute best to get us through this.

The leadership in Australia feels like it’s not for me or about me. I’m not a conservative but it goes deeper than that. At some point the political leadership has taken a wrong turn, it seems like they don’t care about the most vulnerable in our community anymore; they would rather line their pockets with money from the fossil fuel and mining industries than take meaningful action on climate climate change and they have sold our souls for “safe” borders.

This week Scott Morrison said Australia was at risk of losing its humanity, which made me spit out my tea. It seems to me that we lost it along time ago, when we decided to arbitrarily lock up men, women and children in unending offshore detention. We lost it when we privatised nursing homes and understaffed them with poorly paid casual workers or when government after government failed to raise the Newstart allowance so people weren’t living in poverty. To name just a few…

Add to this the slogans, and obscuring and manipulation of facts to present the government in best light (not limited to the current government). And when journalists ask questions you get a bunch of pre-prepared talking points which they doggedly stick to regardless of what question is being asked.

It makes me deeply uncomfortable. It’s inauthentic, divisive and ultimately dehumanising. It’s like politicians are saying to us, you are unworthy of genuine interactions, we don’t trust you and your ability to understand that the world is complicated. It makes politicians less trust worthy; you forever feel like you are being manipulated and lied too.

Sure the Victorian government has failed badly – hotel quarantine, contact tracing and probably a few other things as well. Their roadmap out of lockdown is vague, if I was a business owner I’d be worried about the future. But as John Faine wrote in this piece we are more than just an economy.

It’s hard to feel anything other than fierce loyalty to my state, my city and its leadership right now. Even as the economics of the state look dire, it’s as if we we have become something more than that – like we have remembered that we are in fact a community that collectively rises or falls together.

Many people don’t like Daniel Andrews, his politics or his handling of the pandemic. Regardless of this, what is happening now is extraordinary leadership. In a world turned upside down, seeing Dan Andrew’s standing there in his North Face jacket is both comforting and the touchstone we all need right now. It’s like he is saying to us, the world is spinning out of control but I’m in here, I’m not going anywhere and it’s going to be ok.

It’s been six months since a global pandemic has been declared there have been 28 million infections and over 900000 deaths. By the end of October Melbourne will have endured the longest and harshest lockdown of any city in the world. But perhaps in taking away the trappings of our lives we have had the chance to come to the heart of who we are as a community. And maybe in a covid-19 normal world that gives us an advantage.

Melbourne’s motto is “Vires acquirit eundo”, which in English means “She gathers strength as she goes”. We are gathering strength now to come back and be bigger and brighter than ever.

On sunny days, I eat my lunch on the deck, listening to the birds and the sounds of the neighbourhood – a child’s cry, a delivery truck, the noise of someone else’s home being built. Midges gather and dance across the grass, the light glinting off them as rise and fall in the sunshine. The cats, always curious, sniff at my lunch, then stroll away to loll in the sun.

It’s winter and the grass is green though patchy after the intense early summer heat. I mowed it the other day, a pain to do but deeply satisfying once complete. My mowing technique needs some work, I generally do one bit, get bored and go do another bit. The effect is more drunken than uniform.

When I moved in two years ago, there was no grass or deck or even fences, which was kind of against the rules. Getting the fence built from our less than reputable contractor was six weeks of increasingly frantic phone calls and threats to consumer affairs. He left us with this…

Needless to say we got someone to fix it.

Building the house was both not much fun and completely exciting. The company started building before I had secured a loan from the bank(!!!), which led to some interesting days when I frantically scrambled to get approval. There was poor communication, some shoddy concreting, unexplained delays and an incident of sexual harassment, which led to one of their staff getting sacked. Even worse, I occasionally had to get my Dad to back me up because it always seemed to go better when a man was involved (sigh). 

Despite all this, my house is well built and for the most part exactly what I wanted. There’s a walk in pantry, a tin roof, and enough space for a library. I have a mix of antique and new furniture, with the requisite number of Ikea pieces required for a first home owner. My couches are comfy for an afternoon nap and my yellow hall stand makes me happy every time I see it. 

After living with family for most of my life, living on my own is both complete freedom and really hard. If I want to stay in my pyjamas all day and eat chips on the couch there is no one to stop me. But there’s also no one else to cook dinner or help with chores. And financially it’s all on you to pay the mortgage and bills. 

It’s not lonely though, at least I’ve not been, even during the seemingly endless lockdown. I’ve always liked my own company, or as I jokingly said to someone I find myself endless fascinating. In my last post I wrote about missing my people – my friends and family. But loneliness is something else; a disconnection from the world around you, not just people and that’s not me.

If anything, in second lockdown I’ve felt more connected to the turning of the earth; the slowly extending days, the changing light, the trees and the weather. In the before times, I would have missed these details – the light at four o’clock in the living room, the second time its snowed here in my lifetime, the double rainbows and the buds on trees as spring approaches.

I have found watching the seasons and weather, endlessly consoling. It’s different every day (and it’s Melbourne so sometimes more than that) but it has own rhythm and reasons for being that knows nothing of pandemics or even people.

Earth and nature exist outside of what humanity can control. We see examples all the time, cyclones, floods, fire and drought. But also the change of the seasons, the shower of rain and new growth of trees. Nature endures beyond me, which is both joyful and deeply comforting.

In the before times, I often bemoaned that I never had enough time at home to enjoy it. And now I’ve barely seen anything other than these four walls for months. With the world outside making my head spin and my heart hurt, at least here, I can close the doors against the hardness of the world. The frogs call, the flowers bloom and they give me hope and constancy that whatever happens next will be ok.